You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
