feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I want is dick and wine.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
