Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
