i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
