i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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