I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
