my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
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Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
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he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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