We're like a lot better than the average bears
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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