She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
