What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
