did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Terrible idea I love it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
