Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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