she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
