# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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