Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
