K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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