Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
