Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
