While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
