I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
