I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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