I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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