forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
