So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
