You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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