I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Boobs speak an international language.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
