Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
