i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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