first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just want nice things and good sex
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
