Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
