He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
