I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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