awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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