Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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