I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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