You smell like a Billy Joel song
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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