Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
