About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
