Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize