Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She bit a glass in half.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
