Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
