What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
