I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
nutella sex= disaster
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
