@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
