Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
