hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
