whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
