i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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