My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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