Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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