We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
