hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
