Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
