I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
