"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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