May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
