Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
