I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
