my sisters under your porch take her home
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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