I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
