Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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