a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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