return my video game
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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