you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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