you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that's an acceptable place to lick
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
