pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
