i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
