Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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