The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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