she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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