Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
