Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
